Also, there is so much I want to do when I go, I feel like I won`t have enough time or the finances to do it or what. I just don`t want to be held back by little stupid things. I want to take a dance class since I`m dying to get back into dance, and I can take one on Monday nights , already checked. I wanted to play varsity lacrosse but I could not because it would possibly be too time consuming and I really need a job when I get there, so I am heavily relying on that very brief “interview“ and I get the waitressing job. Only time will tell.

I`m glad I got this out of my system, hopefully I can actually keep doing this and it will keep my sanity. That and I hopefully find my misplaced ipod so I can run… Its sad, the one night I`m motivating myself to go for a run, I cannot find my ipod when I left it out on my desk, in plain view. Or so I remember doing that.. Oh I`m so hoping and praying I find you ipod.

Fast update: Me and the Ex are done, over with, don’t even speak to each other, and have no idea of what is going on in each others lives. On a happier note I’m going into the right program for me at university, I’m taking English with a minor called Management (business admin pretty much). I love my school, my roommate seems to get along with me great since we bbm almost everyday, I found amazing friends, am getting happier with my life and yeah .

I went to the psychic again a couple of weeks ago and she said the following:
I should take the left side of the room since this is a new experience for me and i need to learn to be powerful. The English and business is a good thing for me because it gives me creativity and also organization, so it balances out amazing for me. Enjoy the Shakespeare when you do it in class, I knew I already loved Shakespeare ha ha. I should try out for lacrosse at my school because I am better at it than what i believe i am. I kept getting really vivid dreams about me and my ex in a very “cuddly were-getting-back-together” sort of way and I asked her about it and she told me it was a reminder of the love we had and to bring it to my next relationship. I’m going to find a very very very good looking boy (her words, not mine) who is good for me and I’m going to recognize him by thinking i know him or something along those lines, and my guides are very excited about this for me, as i am as well lol. Purple is a very good colour for me (which I was wearing the day I went) and it is my best self. I’m going to have a lot of fun when I go to school, it is the perfect choice for me pretty much and I need to be more craetive like dancing even if its around my room everyday and such. If i get overwhelmed i should put whatever im doing away and read for a bit, so always have a book on the go, and to crank good music.

Now comes the part where not too many people might believe, but I do very much, so if you don’t please don’t hate. I’ve always listened to my gut, and intuition on most of the things in my life and the first time i went to this same psychic she said that its my guides talking to me and the radio as well because i used to hear certain songs on the radio all the time, and she told me this was why. so i need to start tapping my head and watching for physical evidence like a pen being put down by me isn’t there anymore when i go to grab it, I’ve always had ringing in my ears randomly since i was a kid and that’s again them also trying to talk to me, dreams in some way are as well, and to listen to the radio more and lights might flicker.

So this is my update, any questions just ask I’m hoping to update this more often, I think I need an outlet to rant and vent and everything lol.

2
& you will never know what it feels like to be given up on, to be told you’re not good enough anymore, to be told you’re not loved anymore, until it happens to you

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We broke up, thats it. He might want me back he doesn’t know. He’s confused. I went to a psychic last Sunday and this is what she said:

hes very veryyy confused, theres no other girl never has been and hes worse than i am, hes more broken hearted but all the girls his friends his coaches his teamates and everything are making him really confused and she talked about vibration levels? which is kinda like emotional levels is how i interpreted it so im really high and hes really low and in order for us to get back

together they saw(they being my spirit guides i have 3, the main one is a guy) him having to come up to my level, i cant go down to his, he knows im best for him and the main spirit guide said me to tell the young man aka dylan when im in a happy place and not desperate (aka today which i did) that i want to be there for him and hold his hand through this and work it out if he wants to and i want
the best for you but i have to do whats best for me right now, hes gonna do big in hockey, its hard for him to not talk to me, i gotta give him time and its gonna be hard, they see me as a hockey wife but depends on my vibration level, it has to stay up, i have to focus on him being his best self which is like the old him that i still love and know he can still be, they said he has a good heart he
hes not trying to use me, hes a really good guy. umm i have an old soul thats been around for a long time which is why im so focused, i know what i want (him aka) and why im so mature. i change my friends alot because alot of them arent at my like level (?) i guess so i keep changing my groups of friends b/c of that reason umm uni i will not like pharmacy and i get bored by sciences (true pretty
much) and i picked it because i get to help people, be my own boss, and own hours which is completely right for me but i gotta find it in something that has to do with hist, busi, or eng cause i like it, i used to write alot and i stopped and they said i need to start doing it again and get my emotions out but not hold onto them after i write it, im very creative and i should take writers craft

maybe over psysics they see me self employed and business w/eng? ummm writing is very good for me like really good. my moms gonna lose her job but we will be ok, me and my dad fight so much cause SUPER close on vib. levels and me and dylan used to be around each others and thats why we were so good together ummm the songs i always here over and over again is my guides talking to me, i should try

and find another job in something thats more creative like winners or a book store or something else, i need to put myself way more over dylans stuff. she said i need to say afermations everyday which is like positive sayings for me and i have two, my grades are gonna be fine and like finish this semester normal just change psycics really and bring more of my creative stuff out, she sees me going
away for uni but just somewhere too far to commute to, not out of prov. im done with highschool so another year isnt for me

him=aka the ex boyfriend.

So yupp. Changed what I want to do for uni. I want to go into a Bachelor of arts & business and undeclared year for my first year, but I’m thinking psychology possibly, maybe not lol. I don’t know, I have no idea.

Works giving me no shifts. Last week it was two, this week it was supposed to be one but i took someones shift tomorrow cause its time and a half. I’m going to talk to them, this is so fucking unfair to me, I need the money badly.

Guess thats it for now, I’m gonna look for a new theme to use for now since I’m not gonna lie, I won’t make one. Hopefully write something soon. I need to start writing again and I have been but on paper, not on here. I don’t know why but its different than writing on here. Peace.

My dad almost lost his job the other day because he laid off about 90 people and he was right before the cut off, so thank god for that. Everything my parents do scare the shit out of me, money wise. All because they can’t finance themselves for shit, considering we just bought this house in August, new tv, new couch, new stuff for the house, and now they want to spend $60 000 on a new trailer right before I have to go to university, while my dad might be losing his job. They do not get it. Whatever their money problems doesn’t concern me or affect me according to them.

I’ve also been trying to not get so angry all the time, so easily. I’ve been noticing that since my stress level has gone up so much this year, I really need to not take out every little anger I have, so I’ve just been trying to let it go and not make everything a big deal, because I don’t want to turn out like my father and only  flip out at every little tiny thing that goes on when he’s mad.

I’m still not going to post if things are going well or bad, this is a place for me to vent, when I want to. No one really comes and reads this anyways, and hey lets face it, I don’t think I’ve opened photoshop since the last time I made this layout, and who knows, maybe I won’t till summer. Who knows. Well thats just it for now, more later when I’m not so tired.

Damn those penguins, I was sooo rooting for detroit , oh well, congrats to them.

Ugh and now they want me to work extra tomorrow from 12 till probably 12, and my feet kill me enough after the 8 hour shift i was supposed to have. Kill me now.