I seem to only ever want to write down things at the most inappropriate times, like while I am driving or with people for example. It doesn’t really help my whole writing situation. These past few days I have been somewhat down in a weird mood, maybe its starting to hit me that everything I’m comfortable with, like my best friends and driving around doing whatever, is leaving me and I have to have a clean slate in a week today. Its so scary to me. I like change, don’t get me wrong, its the whole not knowing anyone when you move factor that’s freaking me out. That, and hoping I don’t forget anything and that people like me lol. Sometimes I hate how in-confident I am. I feel like there is so much more to do before I leave, but I don’t know exactly what it is yet. I think I am just scared in general. This is such a huge change. I know once I’m settled down, I’ll be perfectly fine, but I’m totally freaking out at the moment, as you can tell by this entire blog lol. One of my biggest fears is that when I come home, my group of best friends, well that it wont be the same and they will somewhat replace me.. Ugh, I’ve been through this so many times before in my life that I always think its going to reoccur, and then I start to push people away and crawl into my little hole, wishing someone would pull me out, but telling them to let me just sit here and ponder.

Also, there is so much I want to do when I go, I feel like I won`t have enough time or the finances to do it or what. I just don`t want to be held back by little stupid things. I want to take a dance class since I`m dying to get back into dance, and I can take one on Monday nights , already checked. I wanted to play varsity lacrosse but I could not because it would possibly be too time consuming and I really need a job when I get there, so I am heavily relying on that very brief “interview“ and I get the waitressing job. Only time will tell.

I`m glad I got this out of my system, hopefully I can actually keep doing this and it will keep my sanity. That and I hopefully find my misplaced ipod so I can run… Its sad, the one night I`m motivating myself to go for a run, I cannot find my ipod when I left it out on my desk, in plain view. Or so I remember doing that.. Oh I`m so hoping and praying I find you ipod.

Wow i haven’t been on here in literally forever. It seems I did this website a lifetime ago. I think I might bring it back to blog, not to design, since I don’t even remember how to use photo shop or how to upload anything on this site anymore, which is very sad, but hey, life goes on and fast.

Fast update: Me and the Ex are done, over with, don’t even speak to each other, and have no idea of what is going on in each others lives. On a happier note I’m going into the right program for me at university, I’m taking English with a minor called Management (business admin pretty much). I love my school, my roommate seems to get along with me great since we bbm almost everyday, I found amazing friends, am getting happier with my life and yeah .

I went to the psychic again a couple of weeks ago and she said the following:
I should take the left side of the room since this is a new experience for me and i need to learn to be powerful. The English and business is a good thing for me because it gives me creativity and also organization, so it balances out amazing for me. Enjoy the Shakespeare when you do it in class, I knew I already loved Shakespeare ha ha. I should try out for lacrosse at my school because I am better at it than what i believe i am. I kept getting really vivid dreams about me and my ex in a very “cuddly were-getting-back-together” sort of way and I asked her about it and she told me it was a reminder of the love we had and to bring it to my next relationship. I’m going to find a very very very good looking boy (her words, not mine) who is good for me and I’m going to recognize him by thinking i know him or something along those lines, and my guides are very excited about this for me, as i am as well lol. Purple is a very good colour for me (which I was wearing the day I went) and it is my best self. I’m going to have a lot of fun when I go to school, it is the perfect choice for me pretty much and I need to be more craetive like dancing even if its around my room everyday and such. If i get overwhelmed i should put whatever im doing away and read for a bit, so always have a book on the go, and to crank good music.

Now comes the part where not too many people might believe, but I do very much, so if you don’t please don’t hate. I’ve always listened to my gut, and intuition on most of the things in my life and the first time i went to this same psychic she said that its my guides talking to me and the radio as well because i used to hear certain songs on the radio all the time, and she told me this was why. so i need to start tapping my head and watching for physical evidence like a pen being put down by me isn’t there anymore when i go to grab it, I’ve always had ringing in my ears randomly since i was a kid and that’s again them also trying to talk to me, dreams in some way are as well, and to listen to the radio more and lights might flicker.

So this is my update, any questions just ask I’m hoping to update this more often, I think I need an outlet to rant and vent and everything lol.

These probably aren’t that good, I just wrote them the other day off the top of my head while watching one tree hill season 4, but oh well here they are:
1
I’ve had my heart broken;
its battered and bruised.
but I still believe in love and all that it holds true,
just as though i’ll always believe in you
even after all you’ve put me through;
i’ll always believe in love and I’ll always believe in you

2
& you will never know what it feels like to be given up on, to be told you’re not good enough anymore, to be told you’re not loved anymore, until it happens to you